Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Relational Equity

To all of my readers (I think we're up to four now, if you count my parents) who noticed that I haven't been writing on this blog in about two months, rest assured, I am still here.  It hasn't exactly been a hiatus though - between preparing for and actually going to Indonesia this summer, the only thing I've had time to write is job applications.  Though if you are interested in our international travel, feel free to browse the blog I maintained while overseas.  

There is an idea that I've heard a few different ways that I'd like to write about today.  I think it originated from Stephen Covey's book Seven Habits for Highly Effective People.  It's the concept of relational equity, or the emotional bank account.  It goes something like this: every relationship you have is kind of like a bank account - sometimes you put things that give it a positive balance and build a strong account, sometimes you make withdrawals, which can leave it with a negative balance.  Understanding the relationships you are in, and how your "account" is with that person, is highly important - especially in a work environment or in any kind of counseling.  

The account, though, is meant to be used for something good - right?  Money does not exist simply to have it - we are meant to use money in a responsible way.  I've had a couple friendships at work that seemed like the account kept building and building, but I never "cashed in" on that balance or made a withdrawal.  

In Matthew 25, an example is given of business owner who goes away on a long trip.  "Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them.  To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey."  In the end, the man who was given five bags invested it and got more, and the man who was given two bags did the same.  But the man who was given one bag buried it in the ground and gave back the same amount when his boss returned.

We have things, even if those things are the invisible influence or relational equity with other people, for a reason: to invest it well.  If someone looks up to me, I have a responsibility to that person to leverage the relationship for some kind of good.

Look around you at who you have influence over.  What if you were given that influence so that you can speak truth into their lives that they wouldn't hear from anyone else?  Look around you at who you have a negative balance with - what can you do to build that account balance?










6 comments:

  1. Five. You have five readers. You forgot to count me. :-)

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    1. You are sweet! I can always count on my fellow bloggers to keep up with me :)

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  2. 6 here. Good Post and good principle.
    I would take it another step and say that in some relationships withdraws are the point of the deposits. It's not for selfish gain but because that very withdraw could actually be the greatest deposit you give back to them. (ie a challenge to live to something greater; or do something better) So that even the very withdraw (asking them to change, try, be)is actually the deposit back into their lives. :)
    Strange thought that we make small deposits so we can make a large withdraw to then deposit back to them. Hmm....sermon in there somewhere. ;o)

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    1. Yes - both the deposits and the withdrawals can be "invested" in a way that is for the good of that person. But people will not want to be invested into if the person trying has a negative balance. In order to call out that good in the other person, you may have to do some ground work of positive deposits into your relationship.
      Definitely a sermon in there :)

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  3. Did you count me?
    I totally agree. Not only to deposit, but to be careful not to overdraft from others! It is also not only who we have influence over, since we always have the responsibility to set a good example and encourage one another.

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    1. And we do that with so many people that we aren't even "intentional" about. We may be looking forward at one or two relationships that we want to invest in, but all around us are people we have an effect on - positive and negative. We have account balances with everyone we are in contact with, and we don't even know it, let alone invest in them.

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