Don't Be a Tourist

After doing a little bit of world traveling, I've started to wonder how someone can actually experience a city, town, or country.  If I went to a province in China, and I only stay in one part, how can I have really known the heart of China?

As I'm writing this, I am in Bogota, Colombia, and we have just returned from a flea market.  As we sat on the curb of the street, we talked about what it means to experience a city. Thanks to Camilia, Marcela, Caroline, Jay, and Liliana for helping me make this list.  Here are some of the things we talked about to really experience a city.

- Eat in Hole-in-the-Wall Places.  Whether these are street vendors or small cafes, eat the local food as much as possible.  It might give you heart burn sometimes, but you are already across the world, live adventurously.

- Find the Local Music, and dance your heart out.  Music reflects the heart of the city, so find what locals listen to, and join in the dancing.  You are already going to stand out in most of the world, so just go ahead and commit.

- Walk Alone.  Always having a translator or guide will dampen your ability to actually look at where you are.  Wander around a market and try out those four words you know.  The worst that can happen is that you will be robbed and murdered in broad daylight...but hasn't that always been the worst that could happen?  Stop thinking about the worst thing that can happen...it'll make you a crazy person who has no fun.

- Learn the Language.  Culture and language are inseparable.  Learn as much of the local language as you can before arriving, and then spend the entire trip absorbing as much as you can.  Insisting that other people learn your language and then making no effort to learn theirs is not an option. If you don't care about other people's languages, you probably don't care very much about other people - and I've found that life is much better when you care about other people.

- Avoid the Tourist Traps.  Sometimes you rely should go to them anyway, but remember that it is not really seeing the heart of the city.  You are seeing what everybody sees, not what the locals see.

- Travel the City/Country.  Broaden your view of  the City or Country by traveling the highlands, swamplands, coastlines, and skylines.

- Learn the Geography.  It helps your understanding of a city to know where you are and the different parts of the city.

- Go to a Market.  Wander and browse the places where the locals shop.  Avoid the malls and chain restaurants.

- Don't Only Stay in the Rich Part of Town.  A lot of people are poor or middle class.  If you stay where the money is, you will experience money culture, not local culture.  Money culture is the same world round.

- Learn the Local Politics.  You don't have to start rioting in the streets with locals over fair trade, but you should learn about what makes the government tick.

- Finally, travel with an open mind and go to learn and experience, not just to take pictures.  Pictures can often take the place of experiences and give the illusion of having had an experience.  Try not taking a picture, but instead, spend five minutes absorbing the image, rather than snapping a picture and moving on without being moved at all.

Discipleship is Gardening

Jesus said that Christians are supposed to "make disciples of all nations."  I've thought a lot about what this means, to make disciples, and I think it goes far beyond just sharing the gospel or sharing our testimony.

In Mathew 13 Jesus told a parable of someone throwing seeds around on the ground.  He said that some fell on a sidewalk and the birds pecked up the seeds.  He said some seeds fell on some rocks where some dirt had gathered, and the seeds took root right away, but because there was no real soil and the plants died as soon as the hot sun hit them.  He said some fell in side a patch of thorns and as soon as the plants grew, the thorns crowded around and choked them to death.  Finally, he said that some fell on good ground and that seed made a crop that gave back a massive amount of food.

The disciples, Jesus' disciples, didn't understand what he was talking about.  To be honest, even after hearing Jesus' explanation, I didn't understand what he was talking about.

He went on to explain it by saying that the person who hears the gospel and doesn't understand it is like the seed that fell on the sidewalk - Satan comes along and snatches it away before anything can really happen.  The seed that falls on the shallow soil on the rock is like the person who gets excited and all fired up when they hear the gospel, but because they have no depth to their understanding, fall away as soon as it gets hot out.  The seed that falls in the thorn patch is someone who hears the gospel and tries to grow, but because of the cares of the world and worries that they have, let the Truth be choked out.  Finally, the seed that has depth and good soil and no weeds or rocks are like someone who receives the gospel and produces fruit because of it.

For the longest time, I thought this meant "well, you win some and you lose some, but share the gospel with everyone.  It might not stick to everyone, but that's the way the seeds fall."  To some extent this might be true, but I think it was overemphasized with me because of my history in street evangelism and open air preaching.

Sharing the gospel is throwing the seed, but discipleship is gardening.  Gardening starts long before the seeds are planted.  Gardening loosens up the soil and gets those rocks out.  Gardening is guarding against birds that snatch seeds.  Gardening is pulling those thorns out.  All of this is so that when that seed is planted it lands in good soil.

Discipleship begins long before the seed of the gospel takes root, because discipleship is preparing the ground.  Don't ignore the important and messy part of the gospel that prepares people's hearts.

Guest Post - Jordan Powell

Do What You Want to Be

My mom saw the picture of Emma Stone on my computer background. “Who is it?” she asked.

            “Emma Stone,” I said.

            “That's just a name, but who is it?”

            “An actress.” I replied.  Satisfied with this answer, my mom went back to what she was doing.

            Have you ever wondered why literally everyone resorts to the question, “What do you do?” It is the most universal small talk question there is (right next to, “Are you a student?” But that really only goes for people of a certain age). It doesn't matter if it is a social gathering or a business networking event, everybody has asked someone what he or she does.

            There is a reason people resort to this question. You might think they do it because it is easy and they can't think of anything else to say. Well, they probably do, but I think there is another reason.

            Will Durant, in summarizing words from Aristotle, said, “We are what we repeatedly do.” If you consistently program web applications, day in and day out, then you are a programmer. Thus, when people ask you what you do, they aren't just being trite. They're trying to figure out who you are.

            You do exist apart from your actions, don't get me wrong. Each person has an inner life, a soul, thoughts and dreams and character that is so much more than merely an inner concomitant of exterior activity. What you do is not the final word on who you are ontologically.

            But your actions can and do sculpt your inner character. In many of today's modern church services, anything smacking of ritual is downplayed or tossed aside; but maybe there is something to rituals. Perhaps posture in worship affects the attitude more than we know. Perhaps kneeling during prayer can help to mold an inner reality. I like to think of everything God has given us as tools that can be used for good or ill. Ritual is a tool that may certainly be abused, but I'm not sure I'm ready to remove it from my toolbox just yet.

            Here is another way externals can be internalized: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” (1 Cor. 15:33)

            The people you surround yourself with influence the actions you take on a regular basis, and you are what you consistently do. You may have great character at first, but as friends and acquaintances exert peer pressure on you, external actions – whether actually yours or yours by proxy – bleed into your internal life.

            This is why the old strategy of “fake it until you make it” works. The inner life rises to the challenge spelled out by your actions, however empty those actions may feel at first.

            If you act like a writer, eventually you will think like a writer. The daily discipline of putting words on paper will begin to erode away your lack of confidence. The mental routine of wracking your brain for the best way to say what you want to say will begin to organize your mind around potential stories, blog posts, or scripts as you encounter life.

            Every now and then I play back a certain kind of situation in my mind like a movie, just to keep myself scared. Not really scared, just ready – ready for the day some hotshot bigwig says to me, “So, you're a writer.” Actually, the scenario is mostly just that: a hotshot bigwig being interested in my writing, in my computer programming, or whatever I happen to be concerned about at the moment. The hotshot bigwig asks me: “What have you written?” I feel like I should have a prepared response or some backlog of stupendous work to whip out proudly and show him – this is my mental movie and I make the calls, so I really should be able to pull out a showstopper – but that's not how the movie plays out. Instead of wowing the guy, I choke. I realize with a sudden panic that, despite billing myself as a writer, I don't have much to show someone who asks.

            That usually scares me enough to do a little writing.

            Who do you want to be? Are you taking the steps to become that person? If you walk the walk, the talk will take care of itself later. Keep a careful eye on the situations you put yourself into and the company you keep.

            You may need more education or specialized training to fully take on the mantle of who you want to be, but if I had to guess, I would say you probably have enough information to take the next step. You problem isn't lack of information. It's lack of consistent action.

            Go ahead and do what you want to be.

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Jordan Powell is not just found as a guest blogger here - you can access and enjoy his personal blog here.  His blend of casual an philosophical will make you think about the things you often do, but never question.  

Government

These are stand-alone ideas about government and society.  These may not be popular or even accurate.  If I am wrong, show me how.   

Capitalism can only be effective when there is adequate education in society – a well-informed public.  The model of capitalism is to arrange itself around whatever the people want through how the money is spent.  If people want cheaper things, then the model of how that society will be geared towards providing what the people want.  But if that cheapness compromises human rights – for example, in a sweat shop in China – then morally, the value should move from “cheapest” to “cheapest, without compromising human rights.”  The reason human rights are compromised is because people are either ignorant of the true cost of their cheap products, or they value their convenience over someone else’s life.  Ignorance is curable.  So is evil, but it’s a harder battle.

If the people want self-destructive things then capitalism must necessarily provide it.  But a society which values freedom – even when that freedom is poorly executed – will stand a better chance of survival than a society which values well-intentioned control.  When one person’s freedom to make poor decisions affects another person’s freedom to make good decisions, then control must be exercised by the government.

No government should engage in a practice that is unsustainable to the environment.  This is not sentiment or morality speaking – it is simple economics.  You take care of the cow that you get milk from. 

No government should mistreat their poor.  The French Revolution should teach us this.  Even the French found reason to riot in the streets.  Do not underestimate the power of the people – even, and especially when, those people are poor, uneducated, and have nothing to lose. 

Even though our country was founded on a principal of separation of church and state, it seems that at some point, there will be a value system which will pervade the government.  This value system might intersect with a religion or faith.  The point is to not restrict people from the freedom to practice the faith they choose, and to not force people to practice a faith they would not have otherwise chosen. 

For a government to thrive, power must not grow to be too central or controlled by too few – even if those few are elected by the people.  Those few will naturally, due to human nature, create an environment that protects their own interests.  If few must lead, let it be for a limited duration for limited times.  Career politicians will destroy us.  The people must be in power, but no one for too long.  The common person is not jaded and has the passion to evoke real change.  Some will say that common people are too inexperienced to affect change in our complex system of government – to this, I say, make your government simple enough for the common man to rule, or you have already signed your own government’s death sentence.

Those in power must be constantly filtered to avoid the stagnant, putrid portion of our society to become corrupt by the intoxicating taste of power.  These position must be seen as duty – not a career.  This will destroy the separation between “the people” and “the people who rule the people.” 

We have become everything we once rebelled against.  Our country is fat and slow – quick to anger and provocation – proud without cause.  

Poetry and Fiction Blogs

I've created separate blogs for my poetry and fiction, with links in the navigation bar above.  I felt that this main blog was a bit fractured in style, with too much spread.

I've uploaded 11 poems to start out, and I'll gauge the traffic to see if it should stay up.  The fiction is currently empty, but the link still works to the site.

Thanks to all my readers (both of you)!  This is an enjoyable past-time for me, but it means a lot when I hear how a particular piece helped to change the way you thought about something or how you're going to act.  At work today, a coworker came up to me and said that she read every single post on here, all the way back to 2007 or so - and really loved it all.  That made my day!

If there are questions you have that you'd like to see me write about, you are more than welcome to shoot me an email at sfreeman90@gmail.com.

KBO

Playing Well With Others

      Regardless of any job you find yourself in, or any means of unemployment for that matter, you will most likely find that you need to work with other people.  If you are one of those individuals who hates working with incompetent people and actually dies a little bit every time you are forced to cooperate with people who you think are morons, congratulations, you are just like everyone else in the entire world.  Thinking that you are the victim is the most defining thread between everyone in the American workforce.  Like it or not, it is very advantageous for you to play well with your coworkers, so I, as a kindness to you, have created this cheatsheet for everything you need to know for making money while cooperating with morons.  By the way, believing that everyone else is a moron makes you just like everyone else.  A moron.

Number one: Gossip.  I never, ever make absolute statements about anything or anyone, but this one time, I’ll make an exception.  Never, ever gossip.  Honestly, the moment those nasty thoughts are in your brain there starts a countdown on a bomb – you can either throw it out as nonsense, or let it spew out your mouth.  And when I say “spew,” I don’t want you to imagine a garden hose, or a pretty waterfall.  I want you to imagine a fire hydrant of diarrhea coming out of your mouth, because that is exactly how useful and beautiful gossip is.  As soon as those thoughts enter your mind, throw them out as nonsense or take your problems to the person it concerns in a rational, adult manner.  The bottom line is that gossip is childish.  And since child labor was outlawed in 1938, you are probably not a child.  So don’t act like one.

Number two: Enjoy the Good Times.  Have you ever noticed that when you have a canker sore it is the only thing you can think about, but when you don’t have one, you never think:

“Gee, I sure am grateful to the cosmos that I don’t have a canker sore right now…see…I can run my tongue all around the inside of my lip and it feels right as rain!”  

It seems that at work, no matter what is going on, there is always someone unhappy.  If it’s slow, people are complaining.  If it’s busy, people are complaining.  If it’s a normal, manageable amount of business, people are complaining.  To counteract this, make it a point to look for the moments you can enjoy.  When you are busy, think “I will probably make a lot of money today.”  When it’s slow, think “it’s so nice that I’m not rushed right now…who can I help?”   If you are unhappy in every single circumstance you find yourself in, you should realize that the common denominator is you.  So you should probably focus on fixing that instead of everything else.  So go ahead - run your tongue around the inside of your lip now and then, and be grateful you don't have a canker sore. 

Number three: Realize that just because you don’t like someone does not mean that you have to be enemies.  Everyone is forced to work with people they don’t like – and if you don’t know who that person is, it’s probably you.  But just because you wouldn't go get a beer with that person or invite them to meet your family, does not mean that you cannot work well with them in a professional environment.  It’s called “work” for a reason – you don’t have to like everyone, but you do have to work with them. 

Number four: Pray for the people who drive you nuts at work.  It may seem like an old-fashioned idea, but it seems to me that certain ideas stick around that long because they have some merit.  This doesn't have to be a faith-based activity, though if you want it to be, it can.  The point is to choose to control your thoughts and hope for the best for the people who drive you crazy the most.  If you are invested in someone’s good, it’s very hard to resent them for being jerks.  You suddenly see that they are probably jerks because they've been treated like crap their entire lives and genuinely do not see their own worth as a person.  Angry people are almost always hurt people.  Just remember that what you think about affects your emotions – and your emotions feed back into your thought life.  Control your thoughts and you control your emotions.  Think well of people and you've just poured water on the fire.  Think badly of people and you are trying to put out a fire with a box of matches. 

Number five: Assume that whatever offense your coworker committed against you that has now gripped your mind was not done as a malicious attempt to offend you.  Have you ever noticed when you’re driving and someone cuts you off, you immediately think that they are ignorant, unaware, self-absorbed jerks with no consideration for anyone else – but when that person is in your blind spot and you accidentally change lanes without seeing them, well that was an honest mistake and they can’t possibly expect you to be perfect all the time, and how dare they lay on their horn like that.  Why are they so important?   The long and short of it is that if you give others the same amount of grace and forgiveness you give yourself, you will start to see other people in a new, less blood-pressure-raising way. 

Here is a time-proven recipe for success: Avoid getting involved in the affairs of fools, for they are tricky and will hurt your brain.  Help them, care for them, of course, but avoid trying to reason with them – the mind is a labyrinth of illogical justifications of one's own inherent rightness.  Just, stay away from that Wonderland of Weirdness.

Loving Your Enemies

I feel like most people don't have enemies - we just know people who annoy us.  But the root of this annoyance is that we would rather view someone in terms of how they affect us, rather than how they are affected by us.  

Viewing someone as "the enemy" objectifies them.  It steals away their heart and their fears, their insecurities and their victories.  It only leaves whatever behavior you don't like about them.  It takes the humanness away from people and leaves them, in your mind, less than human.  They become the sum total of their actions towards you.  

It's easier to hate (dislike, not prefer, avoid, be bothered by - pick your minced word of choice) someone than it is to understand them.  Loving your enemies restores their humanity.  It says that given similar circumstances, I might be just like them.  

Here's the hard truth: everybody is hurt.

Angry people have been tremendously hurt, and protect themselves from being hurt again by bristling up to keep people at bay.  Angry people are hurt people.  Selfish people are hurt people.  Sad people are hurt people.  Lonely people are hurt people.  Spiteful people are hurt people.

Hurt people do not need more hurt - they don't need to be destroyed - they don't need to be avoided.  They need to be loved.  When someone "pushes your buttons" and gets under your skin, that should be the bright flashing light in your head that says "this person needs love SO badly."

Mathew 5: 43-46

"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?"

My Eight Things

Ask anyone.  I am not known for my consistency.  I am a whirring ball of ideas, intentions, attempts, and failures.  I even tried knitting a scarf once (and by "once", I mean "this year") and made it about two inches before I was over it.  It's now a very inadequate hot pad, which makes Caroline smile.

I've started something that kind of excites me.  I call it my "Eight Things."  There are eight things that I've written on a list, and post at my desk.  Things that I want to be consistent with and want to form habits around.  I used to think that if I got into a habit about something, it might be "legalistic" and I wouldn't actually get anything good out of it.  But as I was watering my plants one morning, I realized that giving life-sustaining nutrients to something that needs it, is not legalism - it's food.  Sometimes I eat out of legalism (that is, I know I should, even if I don't feel hungry) and sometimes I drink water out of legalism (before I'm thirsty, because I know I ought) but my consistency does not negate the benefit.  If I read my Bible, and mediate on a verse, I might not be hungry for it, but it will still do me good.

So I made a list of good things I should be doing every day, in no particular order.

1) Read your Bible
2) Find a verse to mediate on throughout the day.
3) Spend time in prayer
4) Pray for Caroline
5) Exercise
6) Drink water
7) Journal
8) Eat breakfast.

There are times that I think that any kind of routine or habit will be completely abandoned in three days, never to be seen again.  But it's been eight days, and I'm still doing my "Eight Things" every morning.  If that doesn't sound like a lot, the exchange rate for "Stephen keeping up with something" to "anyone else keeping up with something" is about 4 to 1, so I'm on fire!

I've been able to repeat this each day, because I think to myself, "treat today like it's the blueprint you want every other day to be based on."  You only live one day at a time anyway, so this is a perfect model.  What kind of habits do you want to form in your life?  What are you going to do today to achieve that habit?  That is the only question that really matters - what are you going to do today?  Yesterday is as far away from you as the beginning of time - and when tomorrow gets here, it turns out, it's just today.  So what habit, today, are you going to form?  Ask yourself that question every morning.

Dualism

I think we think of God in dualistic terms without even realizing it, and this is a great disservice to His greatness.

Dualism is basically the two sides to a coin.  When asked about opposites, a conversation might go something like this:

-What is the opposite of black?  - White.
-What is the opposite of good?  - Bad.
-What is the opposite of left?  - Right.
-What is the opposite of up?  - Down.
-What is the opposite of God?  -Satan.

The problem with this is not that they are opposites, but that these are all considered equal opposites.  Jeremiah 10:6 says "No one is like you Lord; you are great, and your name is mighty in power."  All Satan ever wanted was to be like God, to be on equal footing with Him.  We too often believe the lie that Satan is God's equal opposite, when in fact, there is none like God, good or bad.

In fact, Satan's equal opposite is more likely to be Michael, an archangel.  We are doing God a great disservice when we buy into the dualistic idea that God's opposite is Satan.  There is no God like our God.

Something Fantastic and Trivial

Did you know, that if you took those old root ends of green onions, put them in a cup of water, they would grow again?  They do.  The tallest one has been in there about a week and a half.

Here is why I think that is amazing.

We chopped it up, used the green onion to season rice, and plopped the root ends into water.  This plant took air, sunlight, and water and has transformed those three things back into an onion!  Anyone who farms or gardens is probably rolling their eyes at this point, wondering what the big deal is.  Here's the big deal: this thing is sitting there, calmly and fantastically recreating itself.  It knows it's an onion, and it knows that given the simple conditions of water, air, and sun, it can clone itself just so your rice can be seasoned again.

This thing sits in dirt, and it has done something that I couldn't imagine doing in all of history.  Imagine amputees sticking their severed limbs in a bucket of water, sitting in the sun, calmly growing their limbs back? 

I almost think that this is a more pure form of "renewable energy" that everyone clamors about.  Maybe if we payed more attention to the renewable energy source that has been sustaining us all these years, rather than finding a renewable energy source that can sustain our rapidly growing technological obsessions, we would find what we're looking for.  

Quixotic

One of my favorite words lately is the word "Quixotic" - a word which took on it's meaning from the fictional character Don Quixote, who attacked windmills thinking them to be giants (or were they actually giants, pretending to be windmills?).  The word has come to mean overly idealistic, unrealistic, and impractical, but I love it.

Comedian George Carlin said "Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist."  I think that we all started out as idealist in the beginning - we wanted to believe and to trust, to go on a quest for something worth fighting for.  But over time, we grew up.  We found out that there are a great number of things which are not ideal, and to be ideal is to be foolish - childish.  This may be why so many people admire an idealist, but so few people want to be one.  We are inspired by movies like Braveheart, Lord of the Rings, or 300, because characters like that firmly believe that one person can change the world.  We admire their faith, but have seen too much of the world to believe that it's possible.

Maybe growing up is bad for us.  C. S. Lewis, author and theologian, said "When I became a man I put away childish things - including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."

Don Quixote may have been insane - but I will take one ounce of that kind of insanity over all the saneness I've ever seen in this world.  Can one person change the world?  As long as your answer is "no" I guarantee you'll be right.  I challenge you to be just a bit more quixotic - have a bit more faith that your actions can have a real impact on the world around you.  Throw your hope in the face of reason and see what happens.  If you fail, you might look foolish - but if you succeed, you might change the world.  I'd take that bet.

"To dream the impossible dream.
To fight the unbeatable foe.
To bear with unbearable sorrow.
To run where the brave dare not go.
To right the unrightable wrong.
To love pure and chaste from afar.
To try when your arms are too weary.
To reach the unreachable star.

This is my quest, to follow that star.
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far. 
To fight for the right, without question or pause.
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause.

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest, 
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm, 
when I'm laid to my rest.
And the world will be better for this: 
That one man, scorned and covered with scars, 
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage, 
To reach the unreachable star."

"Impossible Dream" - The Man of La Mancha

Insignificant People

I realized something today - I have never, in all my time living, met an insignificant person.

I was at a gathering tonight, and my dear friend David said, in a prayer, that God saw fit to have this exact person living at this exact time in history.

Think about this for a second.  If every person living were placed in this time in history - not two hundred years in the past - not two hundred years in the future - this exact generation and this exact person, then every person you've ever met has great significance!  God "saw fit" - thought it proper - to create this person, with their particular issues and voice and height and weight, and caused the infinitely complex universe to cross your paths.  This makes the seemingly causeless universe be injected with galaxies worth of purpose and planning.

Science, I dare you to find answers to every mystery this world contains - but you will never begin to fathom the depth of purpose and intentionality that any given person contains within their lives.  God saw fit to make it so - therefore no one is purposeless, and no one is insignificant.

The Problem with Job Hunting

It's not that there aren't jobs.  It's just that there are so many jobs for people with far different skills than you have who have been practicing those skills for far longer.

As I look over sites like Monster and Indeed, I see postings for people with no skills, and postings for people with a great deal of skills - but very few for people with the ability to acquire skills.  Perhaps this quality - and I call it a quality because I find that second only to "curiosity," it is an essential part of a great person - is difficult to prove.  One's aptitude to figure out new things quickly and to rise to the challenges of any job is not a quantitative skill, and so, on paper, it appears that your only worth lies in the skills you have already acquired.

What jobs did you work in college?  If you worked at all, you probably did not work in a field you want to see yourself in ten years down the road.  Personally, I made it through college by waiting tables at Olive Garden.  This is because, when I started college, I was not qualified to be a full-time writer, editor, teacher, or professional of any kind.  But now that I've finished school, it seems potential employers only care about the work I have already done - not the work I am now capable of doing.

But it seems that by working for car dealerships at just above minimum wage and waiting tables to pay for school has only qualified me to continue doing what I did to get qualified to do something else.

But I will keep hunting - and hunting is the right word, because the animal known as "dream job" is an elusive and shy creature.  

Relational Equity

To all of my readers (I think we're up to four now, if you count my parents) who noticed that I haven't been writing on this blog in about two months, rest assured, I am still here.  It hasn't exactly been a hiatus though - between preparing for and actually going to Indonesia this summer, the only thing I've had time to write is job applications.  Though if you are interested in our international travel, feel free to browse the blog I maintained while overseas.  

There is an idea that I've heard a few different ways that I'd like to write about today.  I think it originated from Stephen Covey's book Seven Habits for Highly Effective People.  It's the concept of relational equity, or the emotional bank account.  It goes something like this: every relationship you have is kind of like a bank account - sometimes you put things that give it a positive balance and build a strong account, sometimes you make withdrawals, which can leave it with a negative balance.  Understanding the relationships you are in, and how your "account" is with that person, is highly important - especially in a work environment or in any kind of counseling.  

The account, though, is meant to be used for something good - right?  Money does not exist simply to have it - we are meant to use money in a responsible way.  I've had a couple friendships at work that seemed like the account kept building and building, but I never "cashed in" on that balance or made a withdrawal.  

In Matthew 25, an example is given of business owner who goes away on a long trip.  "Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them.  To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey."  In the end, the man who was given five bags invested it and got more, and the man who was given two bags did the same.  But the man who was given one bag buried it in the ground and gave back the same amount when his boss returned.

We have things, even if those things are the invisible influence or relational equity with other people, for a reason: to invest it well.  If someone looks up to me, I have a responsibility to that person to leverage the relationship for some kind of good.

Look around you at who you have influence over.  What if you were given that influence so that you can speak truth into their lives that they wouldn't hear from anyone else?  Look around you at who you have a negative balance with - what can you do to build that account balance?

Mix. Don't Match.

You know what has always seemed like a funny idea to me?  That people are thought to thrive best when they are surrounded by their peers. 

Isn't this the idea behind grades in school and why youthgroups exist in churches and why we are encouraged to spend time with people our own age?  But the problem is really simple.  How can anybody learn anything of value from people who are in the same stage of life as they are?  What could a twelve-year-old possibly have of value to teach another twelve-year-old?  I certainly cannot imagine what that would be.

This seems obvious when it’s down on paper, but the acceptance of this notion is far-reaching and its consequences are not menial.  Entire generations are being emotionally stunted because they are looking around at the people next to them and the people next to them are doing the same.  This breeds “trend-setters” who are hailed for greatness because of their confidence rather than for their competence.  It is the appealing, not the good, that sets the bar for young people in this system.  This is dangerous for the simple reason that “the appealing” for a twelve-year-old is almost never good for them.  They’re twelve. 

Mix.  Don’t match.

The “one room schoolhouse” model of teaching might have more merit to it than we might have thought.  Kids who are put in a position where they are helping younger kids with the things they used to struggle with teaches responsibility, caring, patience, and a non-self-centered worldview.  In churches, kids should be learning from people who are older and more mature, not pandered to by a childish adult who is trying to relate to them.

Here is my personal view of how someone should learn to be an adult: find someone you want to be like and spend time figuring out how to do that.  Also, keep an eye for younger people you can teach a thing or two to.  Usually this will happen by you seeing someone else fail at the same thing you used to fail at.  Step up and share what you learned from your failure so they will spend less time than you did figuring out what’s wrong.

 

Understanding Rest

Thought on the Sabbath

On the drive back from Gainesville to Jacksonville, my wife and I started talking about Sundays.  It is fairly common knowledge that for Judaism and Christianity, there is one day out of the week that is set aside for worship and/or rest.  For Judaism this day is Saturday, since it is the last day of the week and during the creation of the world, God rested on the 7^th day.  For Christians, it used to be Saturday (since Christianity grew as an offshoot of Judaism) but it was changed to Sunday by Constantine in 321 AD.  There is a little bit of debate as to why he did this, but the common consensus is that he already worshiped his pagan gods on Sunday, and it was convenient to make those days the same.

So, knowing that, my wife and I were talking about if it would be somehow better for Christians to change their day of worship back to Saturday, since that is where we came from.

I tend to think that for every one philosophical question there is, there are at least three vital presuppositions that the question-asker is assuming that have already been answered.  Here’s what I mean.  Let’s say that you have the question “what is Truth?”  To ask that question, you are already assuming that Truth is something that CAN be found (that’s 1), you are assuming that Truth is something which OUGHT to be found (that’s 2), and you are assuming that once this Truth is found, it will be an important discovery (that’s 3).  Questions are always based off other questions. 

So what are the questions behind this question about Sunday? 

First, this question assumes that the world we live in, and the world God works in, is a 7 day week.  Bible believing Christians should think about Abraham – did he work by a 7 day week?  He would have no reason to, since nothing in nature works by 7 days.  It would be a 1/7 chance that this day we call the Sabbath is the same day that God rested on.  To change our day of worship by one day could have no mathematical rationale – it would be entirely cultural, since the Gregorian calendar (the one we use right now) was created in 1582 AD.

Second, this question assumes that the “last day of the week” is, in fact, a Saturday or Sunday.  Why?  Our work week is typically Monday-Friday, but many people do not use that same work week.  Many companies have different work weeks, which means that the “last day of the week” could mean different things for many different people. 

Third, since this question is entirely faith-based, it assumes that God cares about the days of the week and wants all to be on the same page.  If the main goal of the Sabbath is rest, why is it important for everyone to rest at the same time?  Is it fair to say that since rest is an individual activity, it isn't the main thing that everyone rests on the same day?

My personal view is based off of a small observation about the creation story.  God created the heavens and the earth, and on the sixth day, He created Man.  On the 7^th day He rested.  This means that after God did all the work, He rested.  This also means that the very first thing Man ever did was recognize that God did all the work, and rested in that completed work.  To me, this means that in my salvation, I must recognize that I did no work to gain what I have received.  I need to begin everything from the knowledge that God has first done all the work necessary, and I must begin from a place of rest.  All work I ever do must begin from a place of rest in what God has already completed.  So whether it’s on Sunday, or Saturday, or Wednesday morning, I should not strive to complete anything until I first rest in the knowledge that God has already done all the work. 

Worship and rest in that knowledge.  

My Favorite Place in Jacksonville

I like to write about things that I love.  This is about my favorite coffee shop in Jacksonville.  It’s a little place called “Sippers Coffee House.”  If you are a local to Jacksonville, or even if you just make it to town every once in a while, you need to stop by this place – you will fall in love with it.  This is the Yelp rating on it.

It is a quaint little shop on the corner of a small little island of other little shops.  There is an old stereo against the wall that is always playing the old songs of the 40’s - 60's.  Right now, as I sit in the small study booth they have, a big band is playing on the radio and it’s riffing off a light jazz melody. 

There are two old wooden pews against one wall with a couch and two comfy chairs with a lamp between them.  In one corner, there is a piano with the cover up, keys exposed, tempting anyone to sit down and play.  There is a TV that is always on silent, and almost always has old black and white movies playing. 

On the way to the bathrooms, you’ll notice a rack with white boxes stacked up that say “Fresh Vegetables” on the side.  Sippers doubles as a pickup location for the Veggie Bin, a service you can sign up for that allows you to buy in season, fresh vegetables from local farmers.  From what I gather, you never quite know what’s going to be in the box – just that it was grown locally, some are certified as strictly organic, and that they are the veggies that are in season.

As part of the décor, there is an old coffee grinder that is actually identical to the one my family used when I was growing up.  Until just now, I didn't realize how odd it was that we used something this antique to grind our coffee beans each morning, but I also love that we did. 

There is a world map on the wall with probably two hundred pins stuck in various places around the globe.  There is a small box of pins and you are encouraged to pin anywhere in the world you have been. 

So far, I have said nothing about the coffee, bagels, pastries, tea, iced smoothies, free wifi, home made cookies, or even their cold chicken salad sandwiches which are really top notch, because they are only one part of the reason I love Sippers. 

My favorite thing about Sippers is a recent addition.  The bookshelf against one wall will now be a community library, where you can grab books you want to read and put books you don’t use.  I love this idea, not only because it was my suggestion (though they had been meaning to do something like it for a while), but because it gives me one more reason to stop by and spend an afternoon. 

Our Ethical Response to Prostitution

This post deals with the moral responsibility of a society towards the abuse of prostitutes.

Because I am a Christian who believes that we are created by God, I find the idea of exchanging sex for money highly contradictory to my personal morals.  However, as a Christian I want to, and am even commanded to, love people, love mercy, and advocate for those who are being abused. 

So here is the question: should prostitution be decriminalized?

An automatic response by much of the Christian church must no doubt be an absolute “No!” in an effort to steer our country away from a lewd society void of any morals, but I would ask you to really consider the question and not just respond before you think. 

Women who are in prostitution are often not there by choice, but even if they are, they are subject to environments of high abuse, violence, and the constant danger of murder.  When a prostitute is being beaten or tortured, who can she call?  Her environment is dangerous, and the police, the protectors of the powerless, function as the enemy who should be avoided at all cost.  They are doubly bound and have no way of help. 

So, if that is the case, what is the ethical response?  Throwing abused women in prison doesn't fix anything, and it’s not economically feasible.  Because the system that is currently in place perpetuates abuse and binds abused women from every angle, what is a society’s ethical response?  Providing a source of help from the police might be the necessary first step. 

As a last word, I want to say that I am genuinely open to feedback from anyone who would like to comment in the box below this post.  However, since this might be a touchy topic for some people, I’m going to ask that each post be gracious.  If there is vulgarity or prejudice or sweeping and mindless claims, I’m going to take them out.  This is a place for mature, rational, ethical discussion.  

On Journaling

I think everyone should journal, or keep a diary or whatever you’d like to call it.  I've always thought keeping a journal sounded more masculine, and keeping a diary sounded like an object in a pink room with a locket on it that an emotional teen confesses her crushes to.  Therefore, I journal.  

I’m also getting pretty good at it too.  If anyone ever uses it as material for a biography, they’ll find I have a far better vocabulary in my journal than I ever did in real life.  I am also far more articulate and gracious and charming.  Maybe that’s because I have a tendency to write my journal with the subconscious notion that someone else is going to eventually read it and I want to paint a flattering picture of myself.  Keeping a journal makes me realize that I am still a very self-centered person.  It also makes me realize that there are parts of my character that are changing, and some parts that just refuse to budge.  The goal is, of course, to be as real on paper as you are in real life – but I suppose I’m still working through that.  

There are parts of my journal (and my history) that I wish I could erase, and thanks to my garbage can, I have erased.  I have only ever thrown away one journal, and I didn't even throw away all of it. There was one page that I felt would go very well in my biography, so I kept it.  The worst part about that one page, is that on the other side, was something I really, really wanted to throw away.  Darn it.  Maybe I can just write a note on there to the editor of my future biography to just read the one side.  The section I threw away was an entire journal I filled with entries about a crush I had.  Maybe that makes it a diary by my own standards and maybe that’s why I didn't keep it.  This crush lasted for two years, so the journal was pretty full by the time I was “over” her  Reading it just made me nauseated, and I didn't want that to be a ‘part of my history’ so I just tossed it.  

I advise everyone to journal as much as possible.  As humans, and especially in this country as Americans, we have a very short attention span and a very short memory.  We live “in the moment” in all the wrong ways.  But we are fools if we think that we can simply close our eyes and pretend that we sprang out of the ground as the beings we currently are, and have no embarrassing history to blush about.  If you are ashamed of your past, congratulations, you are just like everyone else you've ever know.    

But a journal is like the recipe card that we keep that tells us what ingredients were used in the making of this person.  If you don’t know how you were made, how can you really know who you are?  Or who you might become?  Or even who you want to become?      

A Book I'm Working On

So these are two chapters from a book I'm working on that details everything you need to know to survive a job working for The Olive Garden.  I thought I might put a couple of the chapters on here just to see how they fair.

The first chapter I'm putting on here talks about how to be weeded with style, and the second chapter talks about the survival kit that every server should have in order to survive the mayhem of work.  Enjoy!

16 - Being Weeded With Style

Being weeded, as you may recall, means that you are so busy you cannot provide good service to your tables.  It also means that you will be doing a lot of walking (or jogging, or running).  I've often wondered how much I've walked at my job.  If I got a pedometer and kept track of my steps, surly I've knocked off a few marathons worth of walking.  Plus, if I make up a fake charity, I can just apply all of that mileage to it and claim some kind of humanitarian superiority over everyone else. 

“You ran a 5k for education?  Huh, well I walked four marathons to support struggling college students pay rent and feed themselves.  I just feel so rewarded for my charity work, you know?  Like I’m giving…but I’m also receiving more than I could have ever thought.” 

Anyway, being weeded with style.  Here are some quick tips to help you stay out of the weeds as much as possible.

·         Ask for help.  Obviously, no one will help you, but asking for it is an important part of being weeded with style.  If the requests are small and easy to accomplish, this will increase your odds of getting a coworker to take 30 seconds on your behalf.  “Can you drop off this check at table 52” is far more likely to get a positive response than “can you pass out all the food for my party of teenagers in the back room?”

·         Ask people who like you.  If you have some clout, now is the time to use it.  After all, chances are you’re not actually going to need to move a body and have to call in “the big one” from any of your friends.  Cash in on your positive relationships in small ways and be sure to reciprocate when they are weeded. 

·         Prioritize your energy.  If you have two tables, one wants a refill on salad, and the other hasn't gotten salad yet, choose to give food to those who don’t have any, rather than expending your energy on giving more food to people who already had some.  Remember, people are at their worst when they are hungry and ignored.  Feed the hungriest people first.

·         When you get double sat, treat both tables as if they are one table.  This doesn't mean talk to them both at the same time – it means that you greet one, get their drink order, and then rather than going to get those drinks while the second table sits feeling unnoticed, greet one, get the order, greet two, get the order.  Then bring all the drinks at the same time.  Get everyone’s order for food, bring all the salad/soup/bread at the same time.  This will save you a ton of time and will help you if you ever get sat in the café and get six tables at the same time.  It’s doable.  Just pretend they’re all together.

·         If you do find yourself exceptionally busy, make a joke to your tables about how your managers must think you’re superman/superwoman, and that their faith might be misplaced.  This tells your tables many things.    1) You are extremely busy, but it’s not entirely your fault.  2) You have a sense of humor about it.  3) The management thinks you’re a capable person, but they don’t really understand your limits.  This one is important because everyone who has a job feels like they are capable and that their managers do not understand their limits.  You are both humanizing yourself while simultaneously allying yourself with your customer. 

·         Walk quickly.  This seems like it should be obvious, but some people, regardless of how urgent the task, seem to only have one speed.  Microturtle.  Pick up the pace man, I've got places to go. 

·         Don’t complain.  Alright, if you must, you can make one comment to one person about how busy you are, but the less complaining you do, the more positive you will stay, the better you can do your job.  Griping about how hard you have to work just makes you sound childish.  It goes something like this:

You: “Aah!  Those dumb hosts double sat me again!  I’m so weeded!  I can’t believe this!”

Me: “I know!  They should rename this place and call it “work” so that it adequately describes what is expected of us while we are paid money to be here!  Jeeze…”

*You now hate me.

·         If you have a high maintenance table (one that is slow about order, wants to ask a question about everything on the menu, needs refills of diet coke every two minutes, etc) don’t be afraid to politely let the hosts know that you might need a minute to catch up.  They don’t know if you don’t tell them.  So don’t expect them to know just because you are thinking it.  That would be stupid.

·         If you have a high maintenance table, here’s a trick to stop them.  Be more high maintenance than they are.  This sounds mean?  No, this goes far beyond being passive aggressive to express your displeasure – this delves deep into the human psyche.  *cue dramatic music.  Here’s what I mean.  If a table stops you every time you walk past to ask you for something, out do them.  Get what they need and then expressly check in with them every time you see them.  After a bit, they will get tired of asking you for things, and will realize that you volunteered rather than begrudgingly obliged them, and will feel gratitude to you.  Even if they are obviously content, go up and ask them if everything is alright every time you see them.  I say this, because when someone has a high maintenance table, the natural impulse is to avoid them.  Don’t.  Out do them and they will no longer be high maintenance. 

·         If, at the end of your table’s meal, you know that you did not give them the most impeccable service (or if you know that they think you did not give them the most impeccable service), tell your table that you usually prefer to spend more quality time at each table, but that you were so busy you couldn't.  The main thing this does is it tells your customers that your poor service was not personal.  When in doubt, people take any perceived offence as personally as it can possibly be taken – neutralize this and you will win.

3 - Survival Kit For Mayhem 

These are the things that you should always have with you so that you can meet every single crisis with poise and style.  These are, obviously, in addition to the clothes you are wearing.  If you needed to be told that, put this book down.  I mean it.

• Pens – Lots and lots of pens.  The more the better.  I still don’t know why, but for some reason, a lot of people like to steal pens.  I don’t know if it’s just a random surge of kleptomania, or if these people are genuinely living in a world of pencil shavings and chalk, and find that once the power of ink is in their hands, they will never relinquish it.  Either way, plan for thievery.  I will even encounter the brash soul who will inform me that they intend to steal my pen, simply because they like it.  I, of course, tell them that it is perfectly fine, but that I intend to steal their credit card until a mutual exchange can be arranged.  You can reduce the likelihood that someone will steal your pen if it came in a pack of twenty or more.  And don’t ever give out a clicky pen.  That’s just asking for trouble.  
• Money – Although this seems odd to those who do not work in a restaurant, the servers at Olive Garden carry their own money and make change for you out of their pockets.  So when you get that twenty dollar bill on a seven dollar ticket and are not told to keep the change, as much as you might hint, you have to make that change yourself.  Sure, you can go to the bartender and ask him to break it for you, but he is probably making himself his third cappuccino of the evening and can’t be bothered with your silly needs.  So bring a lot of singles to work.  Although this is not the only profession that involves a wad of single dollar bills, it is certainly the least exciting. 
• Jingle – I don’t exactly know who first started calling coins “jingle,” but I imagine that they lived in a tree house and called everything by the sound that it makes.  But at least in my store, quarters, dimes, nickels and the most useless currency of all, the penny, are fondly referred to as “jingle.”  Personally, I wouldn't mind a world where everything was rounded to the nearest quarter, but that might be asking too much of democracy.  Until my Utopian society emerges from the ashes of the filthy trio of pennies, nickels, and dimes, bring a pocket full of these forgotten remnants of past purchases you wished were thirty-seven cents cheaper.  I bring a pocket full of quarters and always round up for my tables.  This is just me though.
• Wine Key – This is part of your uniform, so don’t be caught without it.  It’s good for throwing up in the air and catching, opening cardboard boxes, fiddling with while you’re board, opening wine bottles in proper wine service fashion, and imagining that it could be used to stop a robbery, since this is the closest thing to a weapon you are allowed to have on your person.  My wine key occupies the latter purpose most frequently.  That little foil cutter could do some serious damage on a terrorist who happen to hate affordable and unlimited salad. 
• Key Card – This is what allows you to ring in food and close out checks.  It can also be used as a Frisbee, but not very well. 
• Cell Phone – Although you should never use, show, talk on, or text on, your cell phone while you are working, please have one with you.  Why?  So you will stop borrowing mine to call your daughter to come pick you up.  They are really affordable.  Please buy one.  Yvonne.
• Coasters – Although technically not part of your uniform, I thought I would mention them.  Mainly because they make better Frisbees than your key card.  But not by much.    
• Band-aids – Bring a couple just in case.  Plus, if you’re feeling like a smart aleck, you can peel one and stick it on your griping coworker and ask them if you should get their mommy to kiss their booboo and make the bad man say he’s sorry. 
• Don’t do that last one.  It’s a terrible idea and is only funny in your head.  You might get punched.  Twice.

"Tinkered by a Thousand Hands..."

I think it is extraordinarily important to understand and constantly remember the individual elements that make up the person you are.

To believe that you are a monolithic, self created, self sustaining entity, with no understanding of where you came from or what people had a hand in making you, is the height of arrogance. So, in an effort to cultivate in my behavior what I believe is good, I would like to take this post as an opportunity to think about and recognize those people who have made me who I am.

"Here I stand or fall, a man,
Tinkered by a thousand hands.
Countless people making me,
Forging, molding, patiently.
How do I thank a thousand hands,
That saw a treasure in the sand?
I choose to honor what they've done
By being another's, one thousand one."

To my father, I owe my patient nature.  I would not know what it is to be a patient man if I did not have his example my entire life.  He taught me that there is always more patience, and that the patience comes from hope.

To my mother,I owe my love of language and the knowledge that people are always more important than things. There are few things on this earth I love more than people and words, and I owe my love of both to my mother.

My brother Jon taught me, by virtue of example, that hard work and studious application opens doors to new opportunities.  Don't take your eyes off the prize.

To my brother James I owe my loyalty to things I believe in, and my steadfast belief that if no one else moving, they are probably waiting for you.

To my sister Kate, I owe my belief that I can probably do whatever it is I am unsure I can do, simply by virtue of being me, and the relentless knowledge that adventure is waiting.  Constantly.

To my brother Daniel, I owe a couple scars, the knowledge that I do, I fact, have a temper, and more deep conversations about the nature of God and the world than I could ever remember.

To my brother Patrick, I owe my great and relentless hope of heaven, the greatest moments of experiencing God's comfort I have ever known, and the joy of writing music.

To my brother Joel, I owe the death of the self centered notion that I am the only one like me.  Joel keeps me remembering that, no matter how it might seem, there is always someone who is going through what you have gone through.

To my wife Caroline, I owe the hope I find in my darkest times, the (still under developed) ability to not only see grand visions and world changing ideas, but also the details that make up those big ideas.  She is the calm guide to a crazy man, and I love her for it.

To Joanna, I owe my love of the nations, my deep understanding of God as a dear friend, and the reminder that crawling up in Jesus' lap for a good cry is sometimes exactly the right thing to do.

To Andrew, I owe my inner zealot, the notion that God can use someone to impact the world, and more random adventures than either of our mothers would prefer.

To Timothy I owe my first understanding of what like minded brothers in Christ looked like.  Every deep friendship I know started from the context on our first four hour conversation about everything under the sun.

To David I owe my first real understanding of what Christ-centered missions looks like.

There are countless others, but it is 2am and I have to be up by 6, so this will have to do.
Do yourself a favor and think about how you came to be the person you are.  I think you will find that it was not by accident, not in vane, and mostly, not of your own doing.

The Nearsightedness of Faith

People always say that faith is blind.  “Well, that’s just blind faith, you just have to trust.”  This has always bothered me – though not because it sounds trite or because I need to know everything before I do something. 

So, here is my modification of that idea.  Faith is not blindness – it is nearsightedness.  Here’s why:

Imagine life as a series of steps you have to take.  When people say that “faith is blind,” it is as though you can’t see any of those steps you need to take, and you just need to start walking into the darkness, trusting that you won’t run into anything.  In my experience, this is not how faith has presented itself. 

• Faith is knowing the first step, but not the twelfth.  
• Faith is not knowing what the third step is, but trusting that when you take the first step, the second will show itself.  
• Faith is knowing that “wait and do nothing” is a perfectly legitimate step to take.  
• Faith is not complete blindness, it’s just nearsightedness. 

You might feel like the path in front of you is dark and unsure and causeless – but trust that you always know what the next step is, and you need to take that step before anything else is made clear.  So rather than focus on figuring out every step of your life, focus on what the next step is that you might not be taking, and take it.

  

The Quintessential

The Quintessential

To me, this is a fun word.  Not only is it long and sounds like you know what you’re talking about, but if you actually do know what you’re talking about, you wielding a powerful concept.  If you were to look in a dictionary (or google) you would find that “quintessential” means “representing the most perfect or typical example of a quality or class.” 

So here is an example:

You might not notice anything funny about this picture, especially considering how often ones like it surround you, but there is an example of the quintessential here.  Why is there a checkbook with a fountain pen on top?  Do you own a fountain pen?  Have you ever used one?  If you do own one, do you make out checks with it?  For some reason, the fountain pen is, possibly subconsciously, our quintessential notion of what a pen is.  Ignoring that 99% percent of all the pens you’ve ever used in your life are roller, gel, or ballpoint pens, the fountain pen represents what all pens aspire to be. 

Here is another example.

This, the brush, the cup, the shaving soap, the straight razor, is the picture of quintessential shaving for men.  But who do you know who shaves with a brush, soap, and straight razor?  Granted there are a few, but not many. 

Record players, gin martinis, straight razors, fountain pens, barber shops, big band night clubs where the manager walks around in a Humphrey Bogart style dinner jacket, these all subconsciously sit on the list of the quintessential in my mind.  Looking at the list, it is clear I should have been an adult in the 1940s, but I’m sure I’m not the only one.

The most perfect version of something is more often than not entirely unattainable.  So here’s a challenge.  Sign your checks with a fountain pen.  Start a record collection.  Get a straight razor and a brush.  Do something quintessential. 

Life is too short to obviously resign yourself to these: