Guest Post - Jordan Powell

Do What You Want to Be

My mom saw the picture of Emma Stone on my computer background. “Who is it?” she asked.

            “Emma Stone,” I said.

            “That's just a name, but who is it?”

            “An actress.” I replied.  Satisfied with this answer, my mom went back to what she was doing.

            Have you ever wondered why literally everyone resorts to the question, “What do you do?” It is the most universal small talk question there is (right next to, “Are you a student?” But that really only goes for people of a certain age). It doesn't matter if it is a social gathering or a business networking event, everybody has asked someone what he or she does.

            There is a reason people resort to this question. You might think they do it because it is easy and they can't think of anything else to say. Well, they probably do, but I think there is another reason.

            Will Durant, in summarizing words from Aristotle, said, “We are what we repeatedly do.” If you consistently program web applications, day in and day out, then you are a programmer. Thus, when people ask you what you do, they aren't just being trite. They're trying to figure out who you are.

            You do exist apart from your actions, don't get me wrong. Each person has an inner life, a soul, thoughts and dreams and character that is so much more than merely an inner concomitant of exterior activity. What you do is not the final word on who you are ontologically.

            But your actions can and do sculpt your inner character. In many of today's modern church services, anything smacking of ritual is downplayed or tossed aside; but maybe there is something to rituals. Perhaps posture in worship affects the attitude more than we know. Perhaps kneeling during prayer can help to mold an inner reality. I like to think of everything God has given us as tools that can be used for good or ill. Ritual is a tool that may certainly be abused, but I'm not sure I'm ready to remove it from my toolbox just yet.

            Here is another way externals can be internalized: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” (1 Cor. 15:33)

            The people you surround yourself with influence the actions you take on a regular basis, and you are what you consistently do. You may have great character at first, but as friends and acquaintances exert peer pressure on you, external actions – whether actually yours or yours by proxy – bleed into your internal life.

            This is why the old strategy of “fake it until you make it” works. The inner life rises to the challenge spelled out by your actions, however empty those actions may feel at first.

            If you act like a writer, eventually you will think like a writer. The daily discipline of putting words on paper will begin to erode away your lack of confidence. The mental routine of wracking your brain for the best way to say what you want to say will begin to organize your mind around potential stories, blog posts, or scripts as you encounter life.

            Every now and then I play back a certain kind of situation in my mind like a movie, just to keep myself scared. Not really scared, just ready – ready for the day some hotshot bigwig says to me, “So, you're a writer.” Actually, the scenario is mostly just that: a hotshot bigwig being interested in my writing, in my computer programming, or whatever I happen to be concerned about at the moment. The hotshot bigwig asks me: “What have you written?” I feel like I should have a prepared response or some backlog of stupendous work to whip out proudly and show him – this is my mental movie and I make the calls, so I really should be able to pull out a showstopper – but that's not how the movie plays out. Instead of wowing the guy, I choke. I realize with a sudden panic that, despite billing myself as a writer, I don't have much to show someone who asks.

            That usually scares me enough to do a little writing.

            Who do you want to be? Are you taking the steps to become that person? If you walk the walk, the talk will take care of itself later. Keep a careful eye on the situations you put yourself into and the company you keep.

            You may need more education or specialized training to fully take on the mantle of who you want to be, but if I had to guess, I would say you probably have enough information to take the next step. You problem isn't lack of information. It's lack of consistent action.

            Go ahead and do what you want to be.

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Jordan Powell is not just found as a guest blogger here - you can access and enjoy his personal blog here.  His blend of casual an philosophical will make you think about the things you often do, but never question.  

Quixotic

One of my favorite words lately is the word "Quixotic" - a word which took on it's meaning from the fictional character Don Quixote, who attacked windmills thinking them to be giants (or were they actually giants, pretending to be windmills?).  The word has come to mean overly idealistic, unrealistic, and impractical, but I love it.

Comedian George Carlin said "Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist."  I think that we all started out as idealist in the beginning - we wanted to believe and to trust, to go on a quest for something worth fighting for.  But over time, we grew up.  We found out that there are a great number of things which are not ideal, and to be ideal is to be foolish - childish.  This may be why so many people admire an idealist, but so few people want to be one.  We are inspired by movies like Braveheart, Lord of the Rings, or 300, because characters like that firmly believe that one person can change the world.  We admire their faith, but have seen too much of the world to believe that it's possible.

Maybe growing up is bad for us.  C. S. Lewis, author and theologian, said "When I became a man I put away childish things - including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."

Don Quixote may have been insane - but I will take one ounce of that kind of insanity over all the saneness I've ever seen in this world.  Can one person change the world?  As long as your answer is "no" I guarantee you'll be right.  I challenge you to be just a bit more quixotic - have a bit more faith that your actions can have a real impact on the world around you.  Throw your hope in the face of reason and see what happens.  If you fail, you might look foolish - but if you succeed, you might change the world.  I'd take that bet.

"To dream the impossible dream.
To fight the unbeatable foe.
To bear with unbearable sorrow.
To run where the brave dare not go.
To right the unrightable wrong.
To love pure and chaste from afar.
To try when your arms are too weary.
To reach the unreachable star.

This is my quest, to follow that star.
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far. 
To fight for the right, without question or pause.
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause.

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest, 
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm, 
when I'm laid to my rest.
And the world will be better for this: 
That one man, scorned and covered with scars, 
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage, 
To reach the unreachable star."

"Impossible Dream" - The Man of La Mancha

On Journaling

I think everyone should journal, or keep a diary or whatever you’d like to call it.  I've always thought keeping a journal sounded more masculine, and keeping a diary sounded like an object in a pink room with a locket on it that an emotional teen confesses her crushes to.  Therefore, I journal.  

I’m also getting pretty good at it too.  If anyone ever uses it as material for a biography, they’ll find I have a far better vocabulary in my journal than I ever did in real life.  I am also far more articulate and gracious and charming.  Maybe that’s because I have a tendency to write my journal with the subconscious notion that someone else is going to eventually read it and I want to paint a flattering picture of myself.  Keeping a journal makes me realize that I am still a very self-centered person.  It also makes me realize that there are parts of my character that are changing, and some parts that just refuse to budge.  The goal is, of course, to be as real on paper as you are in real life – but I suppose I’m still working through that.  

There are parts of my journal (and my history) that I wish I could erase, and thanks to my garbage can, I have erased.  I have only ever thrown away one journal, and I didn't even throw away all of it. There was one page that I felt would go very well in my biography, so I kept it.  The worst part about that one page, is that on the other side, was something I really, really wanted to throw away.  Darn it.  Maybe I can just write a note on there to the editor of my future biography to just read the one side.  The section I threw away was an entire journal I filled with entries about a crush I had.  Maybe that makes it a diary by my own standards and maybe that’s why I didn't keep it.  This crush lasted for two years, so the journal was pretty full by the time I was “over” her  Reading it just made me nauseated, and I didn't want that to be a ‘part of my history’ so I just tossed it.  

I advise everyone to journal as much as possible.  As humans, and especially in this country as Americans, we have a very short attention span and a very short memory.  We live “in the moment” in all the wrong ways.  But we are fools if we think that we can simply close our eyes and pretend that we sprang out of the ground as the beings we currently are, and have no embarrassing history to blush about.  If you are ashamed of your past, congratulations, you are just like everyone else you've ever know.    

But a journal is like the recipe card that we keep that tells us what ingredients were used in the making of this person.  If you don’t know how you were made, how can you really know who you are?  Or who you might become?  Or even who you want to become?      

The Quintessential

The Quintessential

To me, this is a fun word.  Not only is it long and sounds like you know what you’re talking about, but if you actually do know what you’re talking about, you wielding a powerful concept.  If you were to look in a dictionary (or google) you would find that “quintessential” means “representing the most perfect or typical example of a quality or class.” 

So here is an example:

You might not notice anything funny about this picture, especially considering how often ones like it surround you, but there is an example of the quintessential here.  Why is there a checkbook with a fountain pen on top?  Do you own a fountain pen?  Have you ever used one?  If you do own one, do you make out checks with it?  For some reason, the fountain pen is, possibly subconsciously, our quintessential notion of what a pen is.  Ignoring that 99% percent of all the pens you’ve ever used in your life are roller, gel, or ballpoint pens, the fountain pen represents what all pens aspire to be. 

Here is another example.

This, the brush, the cup, the shaving soap, the straight razor, is the picture of quintessential shaving for men.  But who do you know who shaves with a brush, soap, and straight razor?  Granted there are a few, but not many. 

Record players, gin martinis, straight razors, fountain pens, barber shops, big band night clubs where the manager walks around in a Humphrey Bogart style dinner jacket, these all subconsciously sit on the list of the quintessential in my mind.  Looking at the list, it is clear I should have been an adult in the 1940s, but I’m sure I’m not the only one.

The most perfect version of something is more often than not entirely unattainable.  So here’s a challenge.  Sign your checks with a fountain pen.  Start a record collection.  Get a straight razor and a brush.  Do something quintessential. 

Life is too short to obviously resign yourself to these:

The Writer's March

This month, I began to host a writer's challenge, called "The Writer's March".  This challenge was meant to get writers to write more consistently about the things that they are actually thinking and want to write about.

From the very first time I put out the challenge, there has been a buzz of excitement in the air.  People genuinely want any excuse to write more.  It is currently five days in and there have been nine posts by five people.

Although the group is small, I think the people who are participating will see it though to the end.  31 days of some kind of consistent writing is not an easy task, but there is the feel of commitment that makes me believe it will be a success.

In the time we live in, where social media can connect you to virtually everyone on the planet through series of relationships, why not take advantage of that medium to do some kind of good?  There is always the danger that great ideas, when made widely accessible, will become trite and meaningless next to everything else that is floating around in the world.  But I would rather risk failure of something great than never attempt anything of substance at all.

You touch more people than you know.  Do not let that knowledge or ability go to waste because you were afraid of failure.

Rest: Our Response to The Beautiful

If insomnia were a character quality, I would be venerated on the spot. 

I do feel fortunate, though, that my particular flavor of insomnia only strikes when I have some kind of idea which I am excited to flesh out.  This means that as far as long, lonely nights go, mine are fairly productive.  Insomnia is my response to the curious.

Sleep is an interesting idea, spiritually speaking.  We are no doubt familiar with the concept of rest and how that is something God wants us to do – no doubt, for our own good.  Those two must not be exclusively the same since one can have a restless sleep and a restful experience while fully awake.

This reminds me of an experience Caroline and I had in a museum in St Augustine.  We were wandering around the city, with nothing in particular to do, and we poked our heads into a small art museum.  I cannot tell you why, because art has so rarely affected me in any significant way, but Caroline and I were moved to silence by this art.  We stayed in this small shop for close to two hours, looking at each piece by an artist I cannot now recall.  Two hours we marveled in the face of the beautiful.  When we walked out of that small shop, and were reborn into the street of St. Augustine, I took a deep breath of the hot afternoon air, and felt like I had just woken up from a long and restful sleep. 

One of my favorite words is “insatiable,” because it has a driving sense of internal thirst for something.  I often feel this driving thirst, and I think it is this thirst that keeps me awake at nights.  It is my curiosity monkey that will not leave me alone.  But when we walked out of that museum, we were satiated – full and content.

To rest is to relax every muscle in your mind and come to rest in the eye of a storm, momentarily knowing that it is okay. 

I think rest is our response to the beautiful.  This may be why God gave us beautiful Sunday afternoons to take a picnic somewhere, or sit at the beach, or walk in the woods.  I think He likes it when we experience rest as a response to His beauty.  Our greatest rest, of course, comes gradually, as we see more and more of Him.   

Resolved

These are some resolutions I wrote in 2009 during a class that lasted longer than my attention span.  I find them useful to reread.

Resolved: To never err on the side of caution where God has called me to take a risk

Resolved: to not speak poorly of others behind their back, and to only do so to their face when I believe will bring some good to them.

Resolved: to not let the personality or appearance of someone cause me hesitation in sharing the gospel with them.

Resolved: to try, as best as I can, to love all people.

Resolved: to weigh the profit of any task against its importance in eternity.

Resolved: to live, as well as I can, with my own mortality in mind.

Resolved: to never open my mouth in prayer if my motive is a selfish one.

Resolved: if (or rather, when) I fail any one of these resolutions, I will not doubt the great forgiveness found in the grace of God.

Resolved: to never treat the greatness of God as common place.

Resolved: to never waste emotions on inanimate objects or unchangeable
circumstances.

Resolved: to go through my possessions often and see if there is anything which I would be ashamed to hold before the eyes of God.

Resolved: to pair actions with my beliefs.

Resolved: to consider I may be wrong before any disagreement damages a relationship.

Resolved: when I am confronted with my own error, I will not value my pride over the recognition of truth.

Resolved: to never, as well as I can, trade something which is best for something which is merely good. 

Resolved: to read this list often, act on what I've written, and add to it when I can.

Resolved: To not let nameless, vague, irrational fears cause me hesitation in following through in God's will.

To love everyone. Regardless:

of their response
of their personality
of their race
of their usefulness to me
of their offences against me or anyone else
of their possibility of change
of the possibility of repayment 
of their character
of how annoying they are
of how incompatible we are
of whether or not they ever know how much I've done for them
of how I feel
of who else loves them
of how long it takes
of how capable of love I feel
of how many times they've failed 
of who knows

Thoughts on Morality

It seems to me that Christians ought to be the ones on the front lines of many more causes than we currently are, and perhaps less vocal about some of the issues that we are most marked for.  This seems to not only be true in our current culture, but it seems to be historically true. 

I know it is very easy to judge those who came before us for their moral inadequacies, but morality does not exist in retrospect.  Morality does not exist in future intentions either.  Morality exists in that liminal space between our minds and our hands – what we know and what we do about it.  It may be that the concept of stewardship that is so prevalent in the New Testament also applies to the knowledge we receive.  If we have been given much, we are expected to allocate that knowledge in a way that “turns a profit,” so to speak.  So rather than saying of previous generations that they were the height of hypocrisy for not seeing what we so clearly see, we ought to wonder why we do not see what we ought to see.  Certainly, we would not want our future generations to call us hypocrites for the multitude of paradoxes we are guilty of.  What if in thirty years, the inhumane practice of factory farming animals and the inhumane treatment of animals in testing cosmetics were so looked down upon that our entire generation despised us for not doing more to stop it?  What if our future generations judged us for doing this to the ocean? 

Or that there are approximately 27 million people in slavery in the world, and that every year there are 1 million children exploited for the commercial sex trade.  And even with all this, the people who claim to be not only made in the image of God, but are meant to be ambassadors of Jesus are more known for intolerance and judgment than championing the causes of the oppressed. 

I promise you, if the world saw a culture that fought harder for the poor than our government does, and fought more for justice than our courts do, and fought harder for freedom than our constitution does, the world would fall in love with the same Jesus we did.  Medicare, the broken foster care system, failed governmental run ecological systems – all of these things exist to the shame of the Christian church.  Why is the world fighting harder to take care of the poor than we are?  If true morality exists between what you know and what you do about it, then I challenge you – what are you going to do about it?   

That Nameless Quality

It would seem that after all the study of what character is and how it should be cultivated, every possible character quality would have a definite name.  But I have one to add that I have yet to find a name for.

I have breakfast with a group of men every Tuesday morning at 6:00am.  Each of these men are significantly older than I am - almost any one of them could be my father.  One of the reasons I need this time for my own growth as a person, is that each of them has this nameless quality that sits on the tip of my tongue, but avoids being pinned down with a single word.  

Let me describe it.

There seems to be a kind of restedness that comes with living a long and full life - A kind of settled wisdom.  It is the kind of settled wisdom that comes from having spent many years walking with God and having been forgiven of many faults and having seen provision in many ways, having been very, very wrong and still loved in spite of it.  It's the kind of calmness that says "I've seen this before...yeah...it's gonna be okay."  It's the peace that comes with experience.  It's the assurance that comes with having seen a lot.  

It's like anxiety and worry have given way to faith and peace.  If there is a word for this, I do not know it.  But this realization tells me that language is running as fast as it can to keep up with the depths of our pursuit of God, and that it is not doing well.  

Maybe it's best that it doesn't have a name.  Maybe, like the character quality itself, it is best to be experienced, rather than discussed.  Maybe language will always fall short of the depths of the human soul.  If so, that gives me great hope for the human soul.

Thoughts on Jesus and my Heart

*This idea, and most of its development, is due to Quinten Miller, in a conversation we had over breakfast this morning. 

  

The Christian idea that Jesus lives in your heart has always troubled me.  I know that it is meant to be poetic, and representative, and spiritually speaking, but still, it has always sat funny in my mind.  Allow me to be a bit critical for a moment – it has always seemed that if Jesus could fit in my heart, he is a very small Jesus, because my heart seems like a small place.  When I imagine the scene of Jesus moving into my heart, I imagine it looks something like this.

Me: “Hi Jesus, come on in…oh, you didn’t need to wipe your feet, but thanks anyway.  Woah, it got pretty cramped in here, didn’t it?  Lemme just…no, well if you…yeah, I’ll stand here and put my arm liiiike this…so then you have room to sit down on that corner right there.  There.  Comfortable?  No?  Sorry about that.  Can I get you something to drink?  Oh, I can’t quite get to the sink…oh, you brought living water?  That was nice of you.  Well.  This is….cozy…..*long pause*…..so…..you’re here for eternity huh?  …know any games?

To really understand the poetics of what happens when the idea of Jesus living inside us, we need to broaden our understanding of what our internal selves are.  Imagine the space you are in right now.  Move out to the building you are in and imagine the whole aerial view.  Picture the city block.  Move out again to the side of town.  Move out again the whole city with its surrounding cities.  Move out again to the view of the state as a whole.  The country.  The hemisphere.  The world.  Move out again to the solar system.  The galaxy.  You can’t even make out the speck that is the world you live on at this point.  Move out again where our galaxy is a small part within the surrounding galaxies, and further and further out. 

This is not simply an exercise in the grandiose or the awe inspiring or the sublime.  Come back to the room you are occupying right now.  Zoom in on your chest cavity.  Zoom in again on your lungs and internal organs.  Zoom in to the fluid that surrounds and maintains the environment that keeps you breathing without any conscious thought on your part.  Zoom in again on the droplets of fluid that keep you alive.  Zoom in again on the molecules that comprise that drop, and the smaller elements that comprise those molecules.  Even closer at the atoms that make up those elements. 

There is an infinity in both directions – outward and inward.  Socially speaking, we could give our lives and energies to developing the external infinity, the impact we can have on others or the affect we can have on the world.  We can put up a front of caring or empathy or a façade of love, and neglect the infinity that is our internal selves.  How many pastors or ministers have given their lives to ministry, only to wreck their marriages and compromise their integrity?  What good is it to give your life for a cause, when you have neglected the infinite inward self that makes up your soul? 

I now have a new understanding of what it means for Jesus to be inside my heart.  Here is what it looks like:

Fog is rolling in from somewhere in front of me.  It is quiet and dark where I’m standing.  I take one step and the sound of my foot goes out into the darkness and seems to never stop.  There are no markers for me to get my bearings, and there is so little light I can hardly see past the fog that my breath makes.  It’s cold.  I shout.  Jesus is supposed to be here somewhere.  I wave my hands around in a circle trying to feel for anything.  Suddenly, Jesus is next to me.

Jesus: “Hi Stephen.”

Me: “Hello Jesus.”

Jesus: “Do you know what I want to do in here?”

Me: “Live, I guess?  There’s more room in here I think, you’re welcome to set up camp wherever you like…”

Jesus: “Live?  Yeah, sure, we’re going to live, but what I’m really looking forward to, is turning everything you see into something.”

Me: “What are you going to turn it into?”

Jesus: “A garden.” 

Intelligence vs Imagination

Victor Hugo once said that intelligence it's your wife, while imagination is your mistress. I disagree, though not simply on moral grounds. I disagree with the disassociation between how we ought to think and how we prefer to think. Hugo's metaphor has in it a dutiful mode of seeing the world, and a more enjoyable, exciting, pleasing mode. I have not found this distinction to be true in my life. I find they are, indeed, separate things, and certainly one is more exciting than the other, but I find I require them both.  One is not a pleasure any more than the other is a duty.  
So here is many edit of Hugo's sentiment: intelligence is the ground we stand on, imagination is the air we breathe. I would no more think that I could build a city on air, than think I could breathe dirt. But I find I need them both to live.  The ground allows me to build, the air allows me to fly.  

Poetry Time

These are two short poems I have written.

"Pawn"

To my flanks are those like me,

first to fight and first blood shed.

Uniformed we stand together.

Behind me skills I can’t imagine,

moves and slides beyond my grasp.

Bound we trod, our pattern set,

my brothers follow, strength in numbers.

Death to those who rush ahead.

“Stay by me!” I shout in protest,

the hand controls the fate of all.

I see the danger, cry aloud,

god has stopped his ears this time.

I can’t fall back, the turn is done.

Omniscience sees a bigger plan,

he justifies the end and means.

And next:

"Peace-Made Man"

Silent night,

The air was still

The fog suspended mid-air.

Thirty-forth battalion crept

Along the edge of target.

Sergeant Lane

Determined quickly

Tonight would see the bloodshed,

Of some unholy target

Hiding in a foxhole.

Sights are raised,

Target seen,

Crouching in the distance.

Steady hand will find the bull,

The eye of villain target.

Through the fog,

And through the sights,

Sergeant sees the target.

Writing down the thoughts in mind,

No doubt, the pain of bloodshed.

Quickly falls

Determined valor,

A writer’s heart can see another.

Pain is equal on both sides.

Target is a man it seems.

War will make

A warrior-man,

But only peace can make a man.

Why destroy the peace-made man,

To make the man who targets man?

Doctrinal View

People have often pressed me for my particular views on some of the more sensitive issues in higher theological doctrine; predestination, free will, losing salvation, baptism essential for salvation, infant who die going to heaven or not, and so on. Here is my answer to all of them. If debating high levels of theology somehow brings either of us into a closer relationship with God, makes either of us fall in love with Jesus in a deeper way, or brings unity among brothers and sisters in Christ, then I will gladly discus it with you. If, however, you are arguing to gain spiritual points, or to prove that you have a better understanding of God than another brother or sister, or to win a convert to your faction of Christianity, count me out.

If you are arguing that Christ does not save us, or that one cannot be saved then there is some urgency for that topic. But, if we are simply debating the method by which Jesus does save us, or the mystery behind God’s hand in the world, then I wonder about the immediate need for an answer. The truth is that there are greater mysteries in our faith and bigger issues to which we trust God. Here’s the issue. We would rather argue over the ways in which God could save people, rather than be that means of salvation.

The thing about the debates over salvation is that it is almost always, as far as I have seen, not a debate for one’s own salvation. The debate is almost always whether or not someone else is saved or can be saved or decided to be saved or was destined to be saved and on and on. What I mean by this is that, the argument is always based on the premise that the person speaking is in fact saved, regardless of the method they believe it came about by. So regardless of which side you choose, both sides are believers in Christ—whether they believe that they chose that or that they were destined to be saved, or that they were destined to choose or chose to be destined… Here’s the bottom line: are you now, as this argument is being debated, in a relationship with God? One would assume that the people arguing about it are the ones who have crossed over anyway. If so, stop arguing and trust that the God, who saved your soul from the brink of Hell, knows what He’s doing whether you do or not.

the time it has taken for countless Christians to argue over the minutia of the mystery of how Christ came to save us, I wonder how much good could have been done from your position of having already been saved.

God said love those who hate you and make disciples of all the nations and that He would help you and I do it. I say we do it.

Resolved

These are my own resolutions for my life, as inspired by Johnathan Edwards (the theologian). I wrote these in a class that lasted far longer than my attention span.

----------------------------------------------------------------
Resolved: To never err on the side of caution where God has called me to take a risk

Resolved: to not speak poorly of others behind their back, and to only do so to their face when I believe will bring some good to them.

Resolved: to not let the personality or appearance of someone cause me hesitation in sharing the gospel with them.

Resolved: to try, as best as I can, to love all people.

Resolved: to weigh the profit of any task against its importance in eternity.

Resolved: to live, as well as I can, with my own mortality in mind.

Resolved: to never open my mouth in prayer if my motive is a selfish one.

Resolved: if (or rather, when) I fail any one of these resolutions, I will not doubt the great forgiveness found in the grace of God.

Resolved: to never treat the greatness of God as common place.

Resolved: to never waste emotions on inanimate objects or unchangeable
circumstances.

Resolved: to go through my possessions often and see if there is anything which I would be ashamed to hold before the eyes of God.

Resolved: to pair actions with my beliefs.

Resolved: to consider I may be wrong before any disagreement damages a relationship.

Resolved: when I am confronted with my own error, I will not value my pride over the recognition of truth.

Resolved: to never, as well as I can, trade something which is best for something which is merely good.

Resolved: to read this list often, act on what I've written, and add to it when I can.
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10.27.09
Resolved: To not let nameless, vague, irrational fears cause me hesitation in following through in God's will.
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11.01.09
Resolved:
To love everyone. Regardless:

of their response
of their personality
of their race
of their usefulness to me
of their offences against me or anyone else
of their possibility of change
of the possibility of repayment
of their character
of how annoying they are
of how incompatible we are
of whether or not they ever know how much I've done for them
of how I feel
of who else loves them
of how long it takes
of how capable of love I feel
of how many times they've failed
of who knows

Question Everything

Warning: This idea has the potential to be abused by the people who simply want support for their unhealthy, bias rebellion. This is not what I am advocating. This idea of questioning what we naturally assume is simply a technique which should be used in moderation and in a spirit of truth. Dear rebellious heart, I do not side with you or support your rebellion; I simply want those who blindly follow what the person ahead of them to wonder if they know where they’re going. This is not to incite rebellion; it is to inspire thought. There is a severe shortage of those who think; there is never a shortage of those who rebel. Please think.

This is based on the premise that there is a truth to be known; that truth can be attained. Granted, this idea of an attainable truth is not very popular in our humanistic, postmodern society, but I believe that if you search for truth, it can be found. I believe that our God is a God of order and design; that He has not set us adrift in the sea of blind luck and chance. I believe that our God has His hand in our world and is directing our world in a particular way. Matthew 6:25-26 says

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

I believe that since our God is at work in our world, and that since our God is a God or design and order, we can see that design and order in His creation. Since we can see the design and order in the physical world, I believe we should be able to see the same design and order in the spiritual world as well.

I don’t know where you are right now as you read these words, but I can be fairly certain that you are in a physical location (ie. Your bed, a desk, couch, bath tub, outside…etc). So since I am sure that you are in a physical location, let’s do an exercise to illustrate what I mean. In a minute, I want you to look up from this note and look for, and note everything in the room that is red (if there is nothing in the room that is red, then pick a different color). Ready? Go.

(Seriously…why are you still reading? Just bear with me and try it.)

How did it go? Did you find stuff that was red? In the room I’m sitting in (I wrote this in the dorms at CIU) I can see the red gauge on the heater, the red light blinking on the smoke detector, the red light on my radio, some red letters on a bag of sugar, a red calendar and a warning label on a wire. Now think about it: without looking up, how many things in the room could you name from your search that are blue? Because you weren’t looking for things that were blue, you may find it difficult to recall from memory things in the room that are a different color than the one you were looking for.
What am I trying to say here? The point is that you found what you were looking for. You set out with a goal of something to find, and you found it. But you also didn’t find something else. Not only did you find something, you didn’t find something too. You set out to find red, and you found it. You did not set out to find yellow, and you (probably) didn’t find it. This is an encouragement and a warning.

If you set out to find truth, you will find what you’re looking for. This is true unless you either have a distorted concept of what red looks like, or there are no red things in the room you are currently in. The distorted color problem can be solved by fixing your idea of what red looks like. The lack of red objects in a room can solve itself by changing your physical location.

In a larger sense, if you set out to find out the truth about a bigger subject than colors, you will find it, provided you don’t have a distorted idea of what that truth looks like or from where you are, you simply can’t see the truth. The distorted truth problem can be solved by fixing your idea of what that truth (objective truth, not subjective truth) looks like. The inability to see that truth can be solved by changing your perspective.

That is the encouragement. The warning is that if you set out to find a particular color, you will find it, but that may be all you find. Better to enter a struggle for truth without our own ideas of what answer we’re looking for. This is the difference between Inductive reasoning and Deductive reasoning. Deductive reasoning is looking for the facts (colors) which support your pre-conceived conclusion (red). Inductive reasoning is looking for the conclusion, based off of the facts. I believe we need to use Inductive reasoning in our struggle for truth. If you look at a room and search for only red, you will find it. Unfortunately, you will miss all of the other colors in the room. Please don’t make this mistake in your quest for truth on a higher level. The consequences of using deductive reasoning in our search for colors are very minimal. However, as we raise the importance of the situation, we raise the possible benefit of the right answer and the possible risk of the wrong answer.

I take this long to introduce my technique for searching for truth, because this idea is dangerous. It can be abused, often is, but it doesn’t have to be.

Question everything:

If I question a situation, a fact, an idea or anything that can be questioned, I will come to one of two conclusions (assuming I weigh the situation correctly).

1) I would discover that what I am questioning was true the entire time
2) I will discover that what I’m questioning is false


If I were to question whether or not the chair I want to sit in is truly strong enough to hold me, I would come to one of two conclusions.

If I discover that what I thought was true, is true, then my level of faith in that truth after questioning will be far greater after, than before.

If I discover that what I thought was true, is actually false, then I have come to my senses and am now wiser than I was before (assuming I’m not too stubborn to accept truth for what it is, and I’m not trying to find facts to support my belief, rather than letting my belief be formed around the facts).

This idea has the potential of great good, but power always has the potential to be abused. This is why I take this long to present this idea. Please search for truth, with a spirit of truth. Search for truth with the understanding that what you think you know may be wrong. Search for truth with the understanding that what you assume may be the most dangerous thing you believe. C. S. Lewis said, and I agree, ““The most dangerous ideas in society are not the ones that are being argued, but the ones that are assumed.” It’s the ideas and beliefs that we simply assume are true, because we’ve always thought they were true. I have no qualms in questioning the foundations of my presuppositions--for if they're true, they can handle the questioning, but if they're false, why keep holding them?